Everything You Need to Know About Networking You Learned in Kindergarten
Isn’t it funny how easily we made friends when we were little? We stepped outside, spotted someone holding a ball, jumping rope, or drawing with sidewalk chalk. “Can I play? Need some help? Want to be friends?” Those were the magic words that could transform an afternoon of freeze tag into a circle of lifelong friends who could count on each other for anything.
But somewhere along the way, we stopped putting ourselves out there and lost the courage to join in without an invitation. We have enough friends, we told ourselves, we don’t want to be pushy, or ask for favors if we have nothing to give in return. We made up our minds to be self-sufficient and play from the sidelines.
The sidelines, unfortunately, are we where many of us get stuck. By failing to create and nurture new relationships as we move through life, we end up staying in place, in jobs we’ve outgrown, careers that have stalled, patterns of behaviors that perpetuate our status quo. Our network – yes, there I said it – is what keeps us moving forward. Our network makes us smarter, more creative, more productive and happier human beings. It’s the key to expanding our personal and professional worlds – from learning about the most amazing tapas place in town, to discovering a mutual connection at that nonprofit agency we’ve had our eye on for our dream job. A rich, vibrant network keeps the tap flowing with boundless possibilities for creating positive change in our lives simply through sharing ourselves with others.
Networking is not about exchanging business cards or reciting elevator pitches. It’s about being open, curious, and generous. Here are five simple tips to help you tap into your best self and grow your best network.
Help someone else. Most people think networking is about finding a clever way to ask for help. Turn that thought around, and focus instead on helping someone else. Recognize that your lifetime of experiences, what and who you know personally and professionally can be tremendously valuable to someone else. When you engage in conversation, listen for what you can offer, and ask how you can help. It can be as simple as referring a mechanic you trust, or offering someone a professional insight you’ve gained. Not only will you strengthen a bond, but you’ll likely create a personal advocate who will seek out ways to help you down the road.
Ask people for ideas. People like to be helpful, so make it easy for them by asking for what they can offer on the spot – their ideas and suggestions. By keeping your ask to something they can easily deliver, you’re almost guaranteed to come away with something of value that moves you forward in a meaningful way. “What ideas do you have?” is a simple and effective question that inspires genuine connection. Another great question is “Who do you know that I should talk with?” A brother-in-law? Former colleague? College roommate? A simple way for others to help with a potentially transformational impact on your network.
Change circles. As tempting as it is to network with our friends and colleagues, research shows that our greatest gains come from connecting with those who travel in entirely different circles from the people we already know. Our “weakest ties” actually provide the strongest bridges to novel information and opportunities that would otherwise remain inaccessible to us. People you may have lost touch with over the years may be a good point of access into new circles.
Don’t keep score. Sometimes we’re reluctant to ask for help because we’re concerned about returning a favor. Asking for favors can actually strengthen a bond between people. Remember that most people like to open doors and make connections for others. It makes them feel good about themselves, which translates into good feelings for you. Ben Franklin was able to convert one of his biggest nemeses into a lifelong friend simply by asking the favor of borrowing a treasured book. From then on, the enemy treated Ben with great civility and admiration! Don’t worry about the score, it will even out in the end, or not, but either way you’ll have a great new ally in your network.
Just say yes. Stepping outside of our busy lives takes courage. But the reward is a happier and more successful personal and professional life. Say yes to coffee, yes to lunch, yes to meetings and events — virtual or otherwise! You’ll do better on your job, land a new one quicker, and who knows, you might even find the electrician of your dreams.